FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
