Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
