dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
