Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Two words: blizzard sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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