I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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