New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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