I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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