god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
