From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My bed smells like the plague
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