see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it's great music for shaving your balls
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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