She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
