got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so let's talk penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
