is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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