get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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