the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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