Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
