and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
