They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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