...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
