The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
