I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
