dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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