i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
