Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
