You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk is a universal language darling
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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