i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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