let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
