Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
