He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
whose parrot is this?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
