Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
