If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
