I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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