Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
