phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
