i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
