Ambien. No doubt about it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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