Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
