worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
