we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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