this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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