I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
