So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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