never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
