my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry about my life...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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