nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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