Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
