God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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