vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pooping to opera.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
