It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We smell like vodka and hangover
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
