my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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