it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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