I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
