I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
