I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
