Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize