ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
