You can't special order awesome
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
