Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
