Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
