Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
