Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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