Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
