while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
