My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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