I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
