Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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